A big darn Tree Branch…
I am experiencing one of the most trying times of my life. A battle between my heart and soul, my entire reason for being and the shadow, in myself and others, damn that’s ugly, but necessary, for growth, if you’re willing to see it. Today everyone in my house was cranky, mainly because it’s “Queen” was distraught and questioning everything she ever believed, shaken to her very core at what humans are capable of. I decided a walk by the creek was necessary, time to commune with nature, to talk to the trees, chase the frogs and, because peace doesn’t come just because… push through the trees and trip on the rocks and get your shoe stuck in the muck…and then your kid and your beloved find a ridiculously large fallen tree branch. And for me it symbolized the the weight of reality, and they both begged me to take it home, for what friggen’ reason I had no idea, I didn’t want this F’inn tree! I wanted to walk in nature gosh darn it. And they persisted and cajoled and convinced me this gargantuan branch could be carried out and fit in the Mini Cooper. We had to get groceries to get for god sake… and I was clearly not in the mood. Brian said to me, we can create something with it… and my first thought was, “I have nothing to create, I don’t want to create anymore, screw my creative spirit. It hurts, it forces me into situations that kill more and more of ME every time I even listen to a word of it’s whisper.
And perhaps that is the point, to kill a piece of ME in order to create more space for her. “I” died a little today and we brought home the stupidly big tree branch… and Brian just set it there, and waited, and then, because I could no longer silence her, I started hanging things on it, and told him where to move things and he just smiled and said yes my love, let’s put it there and what else can I do for you and he wired the lights, broke one and I could see the sadness on his face, that I might fall to pieces over the broken glass and shattered dreams. And then, he, ran into the garage with me and found a way to make more lights and he did, sit there and make more! And that is why I love you my dear Brian, because you sat and listened to hours and hours of footage and put it into an order I could create from, and made barely $4.00 an hour to do it, bless you,because you understand her, my creative spirit and I am so grateful that you are patient enough to stay.. to stand here the last few days and hold me, to face my anger and hurt and fear and to somehow convince me to bring this ARGG ( I can’t say FFFFFF) tree home, because, this is what we created, together, from nothing, into beauty, together.
This is an alter, you may not realize it, but everything in your home, your office, your wallet, everything you put in front of you is an alter to your creative spirit. What’s on my alter?
- An image of Guadelupe my patron Saint: My protector, my heart, the beginners mind in me, the virgin, the purity, innocence, and a fierceness to withstand whatever is given to her, in love.
- Buddha: The path, the Journey, the acceptance and the willingness to find love and joy and peace in everything, even when it sucks.
- Arch Angele Michael: My warrior, my protecter of values and heart, ready for battle and willing to die for my soul.
- The candles: The light, my daughter is named Elorathea Claireance. The Goddess of light, she is so tough right now and a exquisite reminder that the light is always there if only I choose to see it.
- The honeysuckle tree: A reminder that life is sweet and I only have to stop of smell it’s love and richness to remember why I am here, and that nothing else matters. It is all an opportunity to grow up.
- And finally the rocks: The rocks have been gathered from all over the world. From the places I have been. I collect rocks that remind me to love, every moment of my life, to remember it’s a gift, and that there are moments when it’s beauty will make you gasp with awe, as that moment you found that rock, shining with possibility, glistening and full of color and life and there are moments where you will wonder, why did I pick this thing up, what the hell was I thinking, and then you will remember, it’s beautiful, it’s alive..and it’s opportunity knocking, a lesson to be learned and a gift, take it.
Take it.. what the “F” else do you have to do…
OMG what a trip life is, and I have to admit, I wouldn’t have it any other way.