Observations along the way- Betsy’s Blog
Betsy’s Blog December 20th 2015
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend in which they asked me how come it seems they never get the outcome that they want. Now, this friend is smart, capable and usually pretty conscious but it’s true that often in their life the outcome that they so desire is not the outcome that they get, and having the opportunity to spend time with this person I had a pretty clear vision as to why this was the case, the question was were they interested and willing to actually hear the answer. I find this problem a lot amongst my spiritually inclined tribe, at least the ones who seem to be more interested in the window dressing of spirituality but not so much truly understanding the concepts that they so easily spew about. It’s so much more fun to utter words like synchronicity and the universe is providing without truly understanding what those words actually mean. You see, you can “be” as in be in in-action – but pretending to “be” spiritual and yet underneath you are raging with emotions, is that really “being”? It’s safer to hide behind the words such as I have an intention, as in want something so badly but then do not do anything, as in take no action to actually ensure that the outcome you so desire, your intention actually comes out, it’s much easier to say, well the universe didn’t provide or it must’ve been the other person because certainly I wanted it to happen and that should be enough, if it was meant to be it would have been, no need for me to do anything, it’s as if doing is not very spiritual. Isn’t that ultimately giving your power away? But the truth is it isn’t enough to just be, you actually have to do something, you actually have to take action and often times you have to take more than one, you have to be so committed to that outcome that even if one action doesn’t succeed you have to be willing to stop-observe-connect with yourself and your thoughts check in and make sure that you still want that outcome and then look around to ask yourself what actions should or could I be taking that would generate the outcome I desire and ask yourself what is fear telling me and what does my heart say and what we often times do when things don’t quite go our way the first time is sit back and figure out a way to blame it on something or someone else. We listen to fear and doubt. I have to look in my own life and check in with whatever outcome I’m desiring and I realize there are a few reasons why I often eventually get what I want. Firstly I ask myself why- why do I want this outcome, what does it jean to me? What is important here and what do I value most. I put this to test the other day as I was traveling. I arrived at the airport extremely early in the morning and got on the plane, something I really hate to do but often end up doing in order to get the outcome I desire. Ok, let me step back a few days earlier when I went to the airport to go to Singapore, earlier in the day I had this uneasy feeling about the entire trip, it wasn’t that I was afraid of flying, it’s just that I felt deeply and strongly that something wasn’t right. I arrived at the airport and of course flight delays and other complications made it clear that Singapore was not truly on my agenda this year so I went home. I asked myself what did my heart truly desire, what would serve my life best and the answer came – stay home. 24 hours later I had a nasty flu and a few days after that I got to see my son in his Christmas pageant at school which filled my hear so deeply I knew I had made the right decision. FlashForward a few days later and once again I’m on my way to the airport this time I check in with myself and I have the usual I hate to fly queasiness in my stomach but nothing really signals to me that anything spectacular would happen on this particular Journey. Shortly after boarding the plane as I’m sitting comfortably in my seat, we are notified by the pilot that there are major delays in San Francisco and we’re told we would be taking off late. I realize at this moment already in my seat, seatbelt on,magazines opened and ready to distract me from my usual angst and stress at flying through the air in a metal tube that this delay could potentially cause me to miss my connecting flight. OK l, I thought l, this is interesting because the truth is I really want to go where I’m headed and obviously it’s going to prove difficult to get that outcome. I’m gonna have to work at this…. Take action and not leave it up to the “universe” although really what dies the universe actually do – it responds to you…. I’m often amused when people say it’s right when its easy- happens with ease- perhaps ease is a perspective- travel during this time of year often is wrought with delays and changes of plans, the ease comes with how one deals with it. At that moment I begin to contemplate the conversation I had with my friend a few days earlier about outcomes and I I asked myself what is it that I truly desire and the answer came I would like a calm relaxing peaceful and fun weekend with friends however that occurs and with that I let the outcome go and I settled in for the flight to San Francisco – I kinda like San Fran and who knows maybe I’ll just end up there finding a bed in my favorite boutique hotel and dinner at one of my favorite restaurants albeit alone but who cares. It’s the outcome the feeling the experience I’m focused on not the how. Upon arriving in San Francisco and after running halfway across the airport it became a reality I had indeed missed my connecting flight, hmmm lucky For me I let go of the outcome and was just going with the flow. I began to trot off to the nearest customer service counter along with many other people to stand in a very very very long line. As I stood there I observed many people becoming upset frustrated angry annoyed you name it anything that goes along with trying to travel anywhere during the holidays. There was a moment in which I knew I could join them in my anger or I could simply take a breath relax and except that I had no control over this outcome that I was simply a frequency operating in reality and I didn’t really need to do anything else other than trust my own self, that as long as I listen, held strong to my desire which was to have a calm relaxing weekend with friends, somehow that would occur and so I pick up my phone while standing in line and I called the airline waited on hold and was able to book myself another flight while the line hadn’t moved an inch. OK I thought now I can relax, problem solved. I began to exit the airport figuring I might as well sit out front and have a smoke or two and as I was leaving I looked up and saw a very short line at the ticket counter and I remembered the woman behind me in line saying the only way we can get on standby for the next flight which I was told by the agent on the phone was already booked was to get one at the airport so I thought to myself why not, can’t hurt ( action toward my desired outcome or fear and doubt take what you got and be grateful) so I went into that short line and got a standby boarding pass for the next flight that I had been told I would have no chance in hell of getting on, this is one of those which action do I take kind of moments… We always have a choice, which actions drives us toward our desired outcome and which action doesn’t, even in-action can send us one way or another. So, off I went back through the security line, no time for a smoke, which was longer than the opening day line at the Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios and I only had 20 minutes to get back to the flight. I thought to myself over and over again there’s probably no chance in hell this is going to work ( feat and doubt) but you know what I might as will give it ago what else do I have to lose ( action choice) so in line I waited back through security calmly walking over to the new gate for the flight that again there was no way I was going to get on walked up to the counter and handed my standby ticket to the agent who advised me that I had indeed been allowed on the fight! Amazing I thought and all I did was take action and the actions that I took always were in alignment with my desire and not the opposite. There were many many many opportunities for me to say no, to not take the action, to say oh this is hard it’s not working and to quit, to take any possible sign that it was not going to happen as a sign that I should quit, give up and walk away,but I did none of those things, every action that I chose was in alignment with the outcome that I desired and in addition to that I was also very well aware that it might not come through, that I might not get the outcome that I desired. It was very possible that it wasn’t going to work at all but that didn’t really matter to me, the only thing that mattered was that I was very clear that the only way I was going to get the outcome that I wanted was to begin to focus on what actions were needed to achieve that outcome and to continue to take those actions. Over and over again. With each obstacle I checked in with myself, I took a long deep breath and remained calm and listened and looked for ways in which I could move forward, move around, over, under the obstacle, the annoying gate agent who closed the door to my connecting flight in my face, the telephone agent who said there is no way to get you on the next direct flight, the long long (and I do mean long) security line. I also checked in with my heart and I asked myself do I still choose this outcome is it still what I really want and when the answer was yes I asked myself are you willing to take the actions it requires to get the outcome you desire regardless of what other people places things times or events around you are doing no matter what obstacles they put in your way no matter how they respond or react what is it that I was willing to do to achieve my goal and I believe that ultimately is why I am here sitting where I wanted to be with friends having a really great weekend. We have a tendency to give up very easily we have a tendency to take the signs way too serious we have a tendency to give the universe way too much power over our destiny as if somehow the universe knows us better than our own hearts. We have a tendency to let fear and doubt win. Here’s the thing everything you see or experience is neutral until you decide what it means, its not the other way around. You always are in charge of defining the experience defining someone’s actions someone’s mood someone statements to you what they mean and you really have a couple of choices you can either continue to hear through the filter of fear and doubt and negativity and be in inaction or you can ask yourself am I willing to let fear and doubt win? My answer to that question will always be no. It might take me a few tries…. But fear and doubt never hold the power for long.
Betsy’s Blog Entry December 15th – 2015
I awoke this morning to the ding of my phone, an early morning message, from whom I wasn’t sure, I fumbled for my glasses and my phone, as my eyes focused on the jumble of letters laid out in all caps. DO NOT GO TO SCHOOL ALL LAUSD SCHOOLS CLOSED TODAY WATCH THE NEWS, I literally stopped breathing, my kids are with their dad today, had he gotten the message? I immediately shared the text with him and learned that they were just leaving to head to school and had not heard the news, That was when I took my first breath, whatever was happening, they were safe, so far, on this day, I was a lucky one, I turned on the news and learned that there had a been a threat of some sort to many LAUSD school and that so far a crisis had been averted, a brief sigh of relief was followed by a flood of tears as I realized that this will become the norm, that today my children will be safe, but tomorrow, who knows. I desperately wanted to hug them, but, as I said, they are with their dad, so I cried, alone in my bed. I cried for them, I cried for humanity, I cried out of sheer confusion, the idea that anyone would hurt a child, let alone anyone baffles me, I cried over the pain we cause each other, we humans. For a brief moment I got angry, angry at the way things are, angry that we have come to this place. I spoke to my children who had heard the news and now understand why their school was closed and I knew in that moment there innocence was forever gone. This will probably be the last year my son truly believes in Santa, and it is for sure the last day he will ever feel truly safe here in this world. Our world.The world we are all creating. In-between the breaking news segments there were stories of the Republican debate, Donald Trump foaming at the mouth, hate-filled rants from our politicians and “leaders”, fear and intolerance screaming from every possible source, the radio, the tv, the internet…hate, hate, hate, angry, anger, anger, fear, fear, fear and it had finally reached me. I have tried for so long to hold love in my heart and shout PEACE as loud as I can, I had sheltered my children in hopes that they would hold onto their sense of love and safety forever and today, it was taken from them. I cried for all the mothers and fathers in the world who didn’t get the text message, who’s children left the safety of their arms and din’t come home, I cried because in this moment, as I write this, still safe in my home, my children still safe with their dad, that somewhere, right now a mother is crying over the senseless death of her child, no alert sent her way to keep her child safe, I cried in the knowing that while I write books about being happy and preach love and compassion I too am complicit in their death simply by being, consuming, partaking in life…what can I do to save just one child? As I looked into my children’s eyes over facetime, my daughter asked me if I was crying, I said no (a lame attempt at pretending all is right in the world) She believed me, for now, she’s a pre-teen and I often wonder if she simply pretends not to fully grasp it all, she knows, deep inside she knows that we are all suffering, I told them I loved them and not to worry, they are safe always – a mothers lie told a gazillion times today through out the world. It’s what Mothers do (and Fathers too). It’s really all we can do. For a moment this morning I lost all hope, but as I looked at my children I knew, I cannot ever loose hope, not for them, for without it, what will they become, angry, bitter and hurt, like so many of us and then the world will never grow up. What a huge responsibility our children have, to raise up the world, to teach us love and compassion, forgiveness and tolerance, it’s up to them, so it’s up to me to hold on tight to those beliefs, even in the face of horror and destruction. I have it easy for now, today I got a warning, I am one of the lucky ones, Bless the Mothers and Fathers in parts of the world who have no such warnings and still smile and send their children out into the world with love, bless you.
Betsy’s Blog Entry August 24th – 2015
Let Go Or Be Dragged…
It’s hard to keep your heart open when it hurts, so much loss this last week, and many new beginnings, I’m honestly having a hard time with it all.
About a month ago I found a necklace in a store, on one side it said C’est la Vie and on the other it said – Let go or be dragged.
Little did I know that those two phrases would become so meaningful, of course when you wear a necklace like that around your neck, replete with a sharpened nail, it’s hard for the meaning not to attach itself to you (or more likely for you to fulfill the meaning you attached to it).
This week my relationship with my beloved ended. I wish I could say consciously and with compassion and love, but unfortunately it didn’t. It came as quite a surprise at first, and hurt and fear and beliefs ruled the days for a while, but when I took the time to replay all the signs, they were all there. Once again I am realizing a habit that I have…
I love your potential, I love what could be and often dismiss what is. I believe what I am told, mostly because I am a “what you see is what you get” kind of woman and assume everyone is the same. In my life what men fall in love with is often what they end up resenting. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to go after it and when they tell me what they want, I expect that they will too. And then they don’t go after it…and then I’m confused between the potential and the reality. Holding people accountable to their word isn’t often perceived as loving. I’m not sure how to be anything else, or if I should be.
OMG how many of us do that. Women are often accused of trying to change a man, and this is why, we see what’s possible instead of what is. A possibility built on dreams, imagined from the stories we’ve told ourselves about love and forever and our knights and princesses. Women are designed to see possibilities. And often that is perceived as changing someone… I don’t want you to change, I just want you to be who you say you want to be, I guess I need to learn the difference.
Potential, possibility is a drug, like free cocaine, we dream of everything that might fulfill us and then we plaster it on the walls of this reality like bad wallpaper and boy is that shit hard to get off.
And that’s ok… it happens, it’s how we learn, it’s how we figure out how to get that shit on straight (have you ever hung wallpaper). Jesus that shit is hard, and how could it not be easy, we see it in the store, all full of promise, we imagine it in our house, the furniture we’ll pair with it, the food we’ll serve around it… wow we are awesome at building a story, we are dreamers after all, and doers too… at least I am. If you tell me your dream, I’ll die trying to help you fulfill it..
And the truth is, why wouldn’t we be, that wall paper is full of promise, in the beginning, telling us everything we want to hear, oohing and awing at our dream, and we buy into those words, we believe the lies we are told, just as we tell our own, we tell ourselves, he will, she will, we will… when we knew all along they wouldn’t, all the while our awareness is telling us…proceed with caution, I suggest you hang a small piece of that before you go ahead and cover your whole house with that shit.
Sigh, alas we hang it anyway, crooked and not quite fitting in, and then we spend an awful lot of time trying to fix it. When the truth is, it shouldn’t have been hung in the first place. I guess this is what people mean when they say “You rushed into things…” I guess I should learn how to slow down.. or maybe find people who want to keep up. I honestly don’t know right now… All I know is I hung that shit honestly.
But you know what I’m glad I hung it, I spent the last week feeling angry and hurt and allowed every thought monster I could a moment on center stage. Because I knew if I didn’t it would lurk in the shadows, waiting for its turn to strike. It wasn’t pretty, but I allowed myself the time to process the letting go.
And now it’s time to repaint, to strip the walls and start anew. Ironically it’s the dawn of a new season, Fall and Winter right behind it, the beginning of a time to re-dream certain aspects of my life, certain rooms in my house, literally and figuratively. My kids started school, new teachers, new schools, new clothes, my car, The Black Ninja, finally took its last breath and I decided
instead of spending thousands on fixing the past, I’d invest in my future. Meet Trooper D’Coop. My dream car, my son has made me promise to dream up a Tesla next go around and you know what I will do everything in my power to live up to that…because being my word is probably the most important thing to me.
Looking back I have no regrets, what did I take away?
- That we must be careful not to get too caught up in the jargon, that being human requires nuance. It’s true we only see what we believe, but to be a true master one must be willing to take in the beliefs of others in order to best be heard, to take a look outside our own perceptions, that the idea that how I am being heard is not my responsibility is fine if you want to stay as you are, if you’re a perfect communicator, I am not, so how I am being heard is actually my responsibility, if in fact I want to be heard, if it’s true that I want to be heard. That’s important – do you actually want to be heard, or is the story of not being heard more important? It’s much easier to play the role of the victim, to say I am never heard than to take on that as a responsibility.
- We are to quick to throw around words like “That’s just your perception” as if saying that to someone knee deep in their fear will actually mean anything, that is not showing compassion or empathy and I am going to become better at that. I am going to constantly remind myself everyone I meet is hurting in some way and even if their words are offensive, I want to look into their heart and know that truly they don’t mean to hurt me, truly, they are hurting themselves. I want to hear what they feel even if it’s not what I mean, if only for a moment so they feel safe and heard, I want to be discerning and see truth, but I want to hear.
- That being conscious of your beliefs isn’t enough, you must take action on changing them if you truly want to evolve. It’s easy to say, this is how I am and it’s ok and good to accept it, but if it’s not actually serving you then the only real option is to take the action to actually change them, to break that habit of being you (Thanks @Dr. Joe Dispenza)
- I only know what I know and I am a work in progress and that there are those that will love me anyway, and those that will expect that because I can explain it, I should have it mastered. They do not truly love me, because they have not truly accepted me. Because they have not accepted themselves. I must learn to listen with honestly and self reflection, take what is true and with love and compassion let go of the rest.
- I’m truly sorry are powerful words if uttered in sincerity.
- And operating in integrity is the most important choice you can make. Being authentic is the only way to go, you might loose people in the process of your being real, but they were never meant for the long haul anyway. We are all trying to figure this shit out
- And lastly I am truly sorry I was unable to communicate better. I am…. I will try harder next time.
Ironically I can’t find the necklace, and maybe it’s because I am finally letting go of this one thing, that while I want so much for you to hear me, I want so much to have a positive impact on you, in the end it’s up to you, I can only do so much. I know that I have so much more work to do on me and I am willing to do it, no matter how painful it is, because I trust that I am doing the work, as best as I know how and that’s one thing no one can judge me on. That’s one thing that won’t nail me down. I am on the move and you’re either with me or you’re not, and that’s absolutely fine with me. I love and honor your process and thank you for gracing mine for a while.
Oh and for the record…it’s truly astonishing what happens in 2 weeks, when you’re truly living, just read the last blog post- what the bleep do I know- Right?!
Blog Entry: August 11th 2015:
Imagine what happens when you do…
Life is a journey… It’s so cliché but true. I suppose there are those whose lives are simple and even, no radical ups and downs, just a straight line from birth until death. But then there are those of us who seek out the peeks and valleys, yes we do, seek them out, that is.
I am one of those people, clearly, although it took me a while to be willing to admit that, to see that even! Some would call it drama, but I don’t see it that way, drama is having a fit at the airport when your bag is lost, drama is having a melt down when things don’t go your way, stomping your feet and falling to the floor in heap of sobs, no that’s not what I mean. I mean a life of experience, of using every sense this being has at it’s disposal. A life of imagining what would happen if I do and then doing it.
My life has been filled with adventure, turmoil, stress, love, joy and everything in between and for that I am eternally grateful. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A year ago I was struggling, I was knee deep in cow shit, I was in a battle with the self. This isn’t new, of course, I’ve come to realize that for most of us this is a lifelong waging of war and hopefully, at some point, we decide it’s time to turn the tides, to shift the balance and to finally win this baby. Well, if not win, then at least have some say in the direction I’m headed.
Since then it’s been a series of brilliant wins and brutal losses, so it goes when your ego decides to tangle with the soul… it’s rough and bloody often violent and even with all that it’s magnificent.
In the last 5 years I’ve seen a loss of a marriage, a home I loved, a movie I still want to make get funded and unfunded, a realization that there was a movie I was doing I didn’t want to make, money, security, friendship has all come and gone and come back again…I still have my health and thank the stars for that…this is life… and I am not alone. For most of you reading this, life has been the same, a series of yes’s and no’s piling up, lessons learned and regrets tempered.
A year ago I sat in my home, a home I had lived in for a year already and had never unpacked, waiting for the grass to be greener, for that one thing to pop and then I would…what? What would I? Wondering how could this be, I’d published a book, found love and yet still I am waiting for something else. The sense of sadness was so deep, the feeling of loss so dark that I couldn’t go any deeper, I suppose I could have, but there was that voice within me that said, ok enough. Stop it! You have wallowed enough in your shit, you have hung out enough with the cows it’s time to get serious. So I donned my armor and took up my sword once again. This is what we do, we battle and we breathe and then when we’ve rested enough we battle again.
I dug in deep and went within, quieting my mind isn’t something I’m good at, but necessity breeds creativity in my house, and that is where I started. I looked at my house, walls holding memories of the past I no longer wanted to carry, a garden begging to be planted and together, my new love and my children we recreated our reality, one wall at a time, one seed at a time. I found pictures I loved and replaced the old ones, I put out all those little things I love, that I had hidden away, saving until the right house came. My cow collection, my owls, my alter. I took a little bit of my own advice, read my own book and said “Happiness isn’t a destination It’s a state of Mind”. Starting with the outer world helped me reach deeper into my inner. I made a living breathing vision board in every corner of my world.
And boy did things shift! Suddenly I was swimming in a sea of potential and all I did was change my mind and then one piece after another began to fall into place, literally and figuratively.
On my bucket list was travel, I love seeing the world and within 1 year of that day when I said enough is enough I was on a plane crossing the Atlantic.
As I walked the cobble stone streets, taking in the new sights and tastes of humanity, my old dream of wanting to live abroad filled my head, once again the grass was starting to look greener and if only I’d… But this time the wanderlust was diluted; it was lessened by the yearning for home, to hold hands with my love, to drink wine with my heart and to play on the trampoline in my backyard with my chaos and mayhem. I missed home. It’s been a while since I had that feeling and I loved it.
Being in love with the moment I was in while also loving the whole of my life was truly gratifying. I could fly knowing I had a safe place to land when I needed to. I also knew to relish this feeling, because who knows what tomorrow will bring, for now my sword was safely stowed, but ready when the thought monsters showed up again. This is life, my way, not straight and narrow, but broad and sometimes weaving this way and that, but always dynamic.